


The WoW Guild Raid AU Nobody Asked For

by Katzenjammers



Series: The WoW AU Nobody Asked For [1]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 20:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzenjammers/pseuds/Katzenjammers
Summary: Honestly there is no appropriate title for this so I'm going to say it as it is.Sylvanas is cocky top DPS hunter who thinks it okay to link her recount in chat after every instance. Jaina is a frost mage DPS who's getting pretty sick of her shit.A crackfic of what might happen in the discord chat if our favorite WoW characters were ever to try and raid.





	The WoW Guild Raid AU Nobody Asked For

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired from the Minecraft AU discussion we had in the Sylvaina discord this kind of stems from that... I don't even know why I wrote this I blame too much coffee and insanity.

“Evening all!” Anduin cheerily stated as he hopped into the discord. There were few grunts of acknowledgement but otherwise the chat was silent. “Well don’t all greet me at once!” he quipped and busied himself with logging in.

“Sorry Andy” Valeera mumbled, stifling a yawn. “I’m just so done with this raid, I’m starting to hear the voice lines in my dreams. Wait… am I dreaming right now? Is this even real anymore?” Her dry tone earned her a tired laugh in response from the group.

“Maybe we’re all stuck in a loop like that film… what was it named?” Saurfang grumbled in his deep baritone voice.

“Happy Death Day?” Anduin piped up.

“No, I was referring to Groundhog Day” Saurfang answered his own question before scoffing. “Happy Death Day… how _old_ are you?”

“Eighteen” Anduin stated proudly as if that meant something.

“Of course you are,” you could practically hear the eye-roll in Saurfang’s voice before he cleared his throat. “So, other than those who have said they can’t make it, are we all here?”

There were a few grunts of acknowledgment before Baine butted in.

“Nope, Guldan is momentarily away to put his kids to sleep and Sylvanas is well… I don’t know where she is to be honest.”

“Oh good so the annoying members aren’t here- perfect lets go!” Ysera piped up earning a more exuberant chuckle from the rest.

It was kind of true, Guldan was a strange addition to the guild. Nobody really knew how he came to be part of the raid or even how he got himself invited. He’d just…been there, since the start. What made Guldan stick out from the rest was he was probably at least a solid twenty years older than the rest and trapped in a loveless marriage which he seemed to use every opportunity to complain about. He also had a knack for being just a little bit of a creep. “Baby boomer sleaze” as Thrall had aptly titled it. While he wasn’t outright disrespectful he did have a tendency to PM all the female members in a blanket bomb approach as if that method would somehow get him results. Other than that he was pretty harmless.

Sylvanas on the other hand. Well that was an entirely different story. While she was young and definitely not a creep, she more than made up for it in being downright infuriating. It was obvious from the forums and patch notes that MM hunter class was broken right now but it sure didn’t dampen the gloating that oozed from every word that left her irritating mouth. She would swagger on in, acting like she owned the raid before barking out orders to anyone and everything, turning the session from a chill experience into stressful, chaotic mess. Unfortunately it did mean they had made some excellent progress as a guild this season but nobody was willing to admit that out loud.

“Tempting as it is, we should wait for a bit.” Saurfang sighed, “Guldan is useful as warlock and well, Sylvanas is…”

“Top DPS” Everyone chanted monotone, fed up of hearing that phrase since the hunter was very keen to consistently remind them. The girl had her recount set to broadcast in chat after every fight with her name always sitting obnoxiously in number one spot. Really couldn’t get classier than that.

“I cannot wait for her stupid role to get nerfed.” Jaina eventually spoke and Valeera snorted at the sour tone of her voice.

“Like you can talk, frost mage. You’ve been sitting at the top of the pack for nearly five years now and only now you start to question the class imbalance.”

Jaina huffed and took a rather aggressive sip of her coffee. “Mage has never been broken.”

This time the group did laugh outright, the less than enthusiastic mood over their failure to kill the boss turning back into their original lighthearted banter.

“Good joke Jaina!”

“Yeah that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Okay okay guys chill” Jaina huffed before groaning. “Oh no, Guldan messaged me saying he’ll be here any sec.”

“Pffft love that he takes the time to message you that privately when he could just as easily put it in general for all to see.” Valeera scoffed.

“But that would ruin his fantasy of talking to young, attractive women” Illidan, usually a man of few words, added, earning several snorts.

“Easy guys, leave Guldan alone. He doesn’t mean anything by it.” Arthas drawled and Saurfang groaned.

Baine grinned, “No need to lick his arse just because he’s giving you that internship mate.”

The group fell silent as Guldan logged in. “Evenin’ ladies” he growled in his raspy chainsmoker voice before hastily adding, “and gentlemen.”

“Evening Guldan” Anduin offered when nobody else responded. “Don’t worry, nobody cared to greet me either- clearly they’ve forgotten their manners.”

“We are a social, friendly guild” Ysera deadpanned in a robotic voice quoting the recruitment description before brightening. “Well it seems Sylvanas isn’t going to make it tonight guys so maybe we all just start summoning and get on with it. Start creating feasts, flasks etc.”

Saurfang nodded before realizing nobody could see him. “Yes, yes sorry- not used to being raid leader, forgive me.”

“It’s the case of the missing Shamans- Thrall has decided he has adult responsibilities with work and Voljin is sick.”

“It’s a conspiracy.”

“Maybe they are together.”

“Perhaps Thrall has stuck his totem pole up-”

“Enough, guys” Saurfang scolded his immature guildmates. “Thrall has a wife.”

“Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score.” Guldan butted in and everyone inwardly winced at how he’d somehow managed to make the most obvious joke sound slimy.

“Well with two of our spots opened up and it’s looking more and more like Sylvanas is making that three open spaces- who from team B should we invite?”

“Well Turalyon is online?” Jaina ventured.

“Ew not another paladin” Valeera whined to several protest from said members of the class.

“What’s that supposed to mean babe” Liadrin gasped in mock offence.

“That’s why I re-rolled DK, everything about it makes Pally look like crap” Arthas stated proudly and Baine rolled his eyes.

“Nobody cares Arthas, stop trying to make us all roll DK.”

“Right!” Saurfang clapped his hands loudly to break up several small debates about what class was best. “I’ve invited Turalyon, Shaw and Kinndy since they were the first to respond to me.”

“Oh Kinndy!” Jaina responded brightly. “Didn’t know she was here.”

“Wow Jaina” a soft voice piped up. “I joined like two minutes ago.”

“Sorry!” the frost mage responded. “You didn’t say anything in chat.”

“Awh she’s just quiet because she’s nervous it’s her first time.” Ysera laughed before greeting the new addition in her signature soothing and gentle tone. “Welcome to the raid young padawan.”

“Finally” Kinndy giggled. “Been waiting for an invite for weeks. Thanks Ysera.”

“She does know tactics right?” Arthas sullenly grumbled and Jaina scoffed.

“Of course she does, we studied it together.”

“Studied” Valeera teased at Jaina’s choice of wording. “Nerrrrd”

“Who cares if she knows tactics or not, we are going to fail anyway” Talanji sighed, and everyone laughed at how that was the first thing she’d said all evening.

Anduin, ever the optimist disagreed. “No we can do it, we managed to get him to 38% last week. I think we’ve really got it this time!”

“Yeah if you ever learn how to heal properly-”

“Howdy neighbors! Shaw reporting for duty!” a distorted voice butted in loudly before the young priest could respond.

“Rezan help us, who has the $2 wallmart mic!” Talanji exclaimed.

“That would be Shaw.” Saurfang explained levelly.

“Shaw.” Liadrin sighed

“Yeah?”

“Don’t talk and just copy what Valeera does. Turalyon you’re with me.”

“Yes ma’am, I mean sorry, I won’t talk… ma’am.” The paladin rolled her eyes.

The group fell silent and people all gathered in the raid lobby, setting out mage tables and feasts and it looked as though finally everything seemed to be appropriately set up. As Saurfang was reminded to trigger the ready check Jaina was starting to catch Anduin’s sentiments of feeling more optimistic, maybe tonight they could actually have some fun.

Discord dinged as another member joined and Jaina felt that optimism sink and dribble out of her shoes.

“Hello everyone, summon me please.” Sylvanas drawled and Jaina clenched her jaw. _Tides_ even her voice was annoying.

“Sylvanas, you’re super late dude, what happened?” Saurfang did not seem amused as he cancelled the pull.

“Nothing” Sylvanas replied smoothly. “Was at the gym, so can I get that summon? Let’s get this over with.”

“Jeez Sylvanas can you be any more annoying?” Jaina snapped. “Group is full, you came too late.”

“Well then find somebody to kick” Sylvanas mumbled through what sounded like a mouthful of liquid as she obnoxiously chugged from her water bottle. Jaina felt her left eye twitch.

“Wait who’s getting kicked?” Shaw asked in alarm and Sylvanas spluttered before slamming the bottle down to lean closer to her mic.

“ _Belore_ what kind of abomination is that? Did you stick that microphone up your ass or are you really that cheap you can’t afford something beyond what you found in a cereal box.”

Valeera stifled a snort of laughter and Jaina silently judged her for giving the annoying hunter the satisfaction of someone finding her funny.

“Dude it’s the mic that came with the laptop” Shaw whined.

“You know what Thrall, kick him just for sounding like that. I will not be able to focus if all I can hear is static and Guldan for Lights sake can you actually mute yourself when you’re eating, nobody wants to hear you wheezing out your nose while you chew on your chicken tenders.”

This time Jaina couldn’t help the betrayal of a smirk that crossed her face, glad that nobody could see her expression through the discord. Sylvanas, as irritating as she was, was never one to hold back on speaking her mind. If Jaina didn’t find her so damn annoying she might have admired that fact.

“Thrall isn’t here” Ysera gently reminded and Sylvanas sighed in exasperation.

“So who’s raid leader?”

“Uh… that would be me.” Saurfang suddenly remembered, snapping out of his daze.

“Oh gods, the dumbass warrior tank who doesn’t know how to keep aggro is raid leader, what have we as a guild come to. Give it to me.”

“Wait what?” Saurfang questioned.

“Give me raid leader, and where is that summon, c’mon guys we haven’t got all evening.”

“Maybe you should have got here earlier” Jaina snapped, unable to help herself.

“Do _you_ want to get kicked?” Sylvanas warned and the frost mage simply rolled her eyes, annoyed she didn’t have a comeback at hand. The hunter’s voice suddenly uncharacteristically softened, “Just… get me a summon please and boot that rogue with the Light-Forsaken mic.”

“Aw cmon guys I’ve been waiting f-”

Shaw’s crackly voice was suddenly cut off as he was kicked from the raid channel and Jaina winced. She didn’t really enjoy being in a guild this elitist.

“Good riddance, his gear score was almost as low as Arthas’s IQ.” The group dissolved into snorts while Arthas squeaked out a protest that was much too high pitched.

Okay _that_ was a little bit funny… but still Sylvanas really wasn’t giving their guild a good reputation. Jaina huffed in disappointment at how Saurfang seemed to roll over every time when it came to the Sylvanas. A quiet fell over the chat and Jaina sullenly listened as the newly appointed raid leader went through tactics, hating just how efficient and effective the hunter could be when she wasn’t hurling insults and sarcastic barbs.

“Oh and Jaina you better fucking pop timewarp at the start of stage 2 since we have no shamans to lust.”

“Please.”

“Huh?”

Jaina squared her shoulders, hoping her voice came out more confident than she felt. “Say please.”

“You idiot, I’m not asking much from you, you just gotta press a teeny little button and if you can’t even do that I’m sure your little friend of a fire mage will remember.”

Jaina took a deep breath pondering if it was worth arguing over something so small but decided, no, it was time Sylvanas stopped making this such a toxic environment.

“I’m not asking much from you either than just to be less of a dick.”

There was a few _oooohs_ and people sucking breaths through their teeth and Jaina fought back a growl. _Not helping guys._

“Okay, oh mighty ice mage sitting at the middle of the DPS table may you _please_ bestow us with your gift of a timewarp, I know how taxing it must be lifting your finger to press that single button.”

Oh that little shit.

“I’m not going to get any better from you am I” Jaina stated jadedly.

“Nope. There’s a reason my parents don’t love me.” She could hear the self-depreciating tone in the hunter’s voice. Well, she was self-aware; Jaina could at least give her that.

“Well that’s everything, remember to follow my markers guys and do exactly as I say and we’re be top 100 in no time. Also Jaina one more thing…”

“Jeez what now Sylvanas” the mage snapped.

“We get a kill and you have to buy me a drink next guild meetup.” A chorus of exasperated groans sounded out in chat.

“Not this again.” Baine whined.

“My answer, as usual, is no” Jaina grumbled, pleased that Sylvanas would never be able to see the flicker of a smile on her face behind the monitor.

“Hey, it’s always worth the ask” the hunter shrugged cheerfully before her voice became businesslike. “Okay pulling in 10…”

Jaina leaned forward, bracing herself for yet another round of failures as the boss repeatedly beat up their raid left right and center but inwardly she found herself enjoying it because little by little they were getting closer to that kill and little by little she was getting closer to saying yes.

**Author's Note:**

> Points if anyone can come up with a good name for their guild because my imagination does not stretch that far.


End file.
